Mixed EMOTICONS..

Thanks to the online industry, I discovered this term and got more accustomed to expressing with the help of these emoticons without actually saying a word. It is no more just a SMILEY :-). I see much more and every possible expression being designed now... :-) :-( :-* :-x :-/ :-| <3 </3 etc etc..I just to feel it and showcase with these cute li'l things.

We experience so much in life but hold ourselves to express it..As we grow old, we are suppressed by many external factors. Specially, being a girl, as we take over our responsibilities of a family, we forget our feelings. I would rather put it like, we become unaware of our likes and dislikes. Our life revolves around the family we become a part of. Are my in-laws happy and content with my behaviour, has my husband eaten on time, our my kids being raised properly? Where is the time to think of what we want, am I happy, did I eat food, am I living the life I always wanted? NO!!! There is hardly any time for these not so important thoughts..

Oh! yes, this does not come from personal experience but heard and observed over the years from mum, cousins and friends(married). I had only heard from mum about it but realized when my cousins and friends started sharing their experiences. My eyes had been wide open!!

I dread getting into a formal commitment now. For me, my life changed when I was into a serious relationship until few months from now. I experienced a part of what I wrote above. I forgot about my choices, my wants and needs. It was all about him. Is he happy with me? He sounds low, hope all ok? Does he love me the way I do, I am sure he does. Is he taking care of himself? I hope I am not distracting him in his work..Oh! he is mad at me for no reason, no problem, it's just a mood swing, I need to understand..etc etc etc etc..The list is too elaborated to be penned. OMG!!!! I have been into a deep shit...!!!

I wonder why boys live a selfish and a self centered life? Does it not occur to them how much a woman sacrifices for them? I just see MEAN MEN around. They know how to run you down in public, they can easily be disassociated when they want, it does not take much for them to forget what we did for them. It is so freaking a cake walk for them.

We all grow with different emotions in life..Love, hatred, jealousy, passion, care, affection and lot more. However, we forget to acknowledge them as we step into the cluster of this competitive world. We want position, money, and respect from the world but often in this run, we lose our identity and see ourselves from others eyes.

My parents want me to get a job that makes them proud, my friends expect me to live a lavish life, my relatives give me all possible suggestions to opt for the best career however, end up confusing me more than before. But what do I want? WHO CARES!!!! Arrgghhhh!!!!

I have just completed my 26th year and am being questioned about marriage from every single soul I meet (even in my dreams) :-(.. My family wants a well settled son-in-law, my siblings expect to get them a good looking brother-in-law, my friends want an intellectual partner for me..Has anyone cared to know what kind of a person I want to spend my life with? After all, IT'S MY LIFE!!!

These give me enough reasons to dodge from emotions and sensitivity towards certain things and people in my life. And at this point in time, honestly, what I fear the most is getting into a relationship again. Will I ever be able to trust and love any man, the way I did before? Will I be selfless again to give up whatever it takes to lead a happy and healthy life with him? May be, yes..May be, no..Actually, I am not sure..(confused )

I tried to deviate myself from the unwanted thoughts over a couple of months and somewhat achieved it. Life was peaceful, happier, content and crazy until I realized I was falling for someone again...DAMNNNNN!!!!!

I was so strong, firm and confident of myself for not making a foolish mistake again. And yet again, I did. Thankfully, though, it wasn't as intense as I had thought. It was just the beginning and the initial phase. In fact, I think it was just the time spent together and level of understanding and respect for each other. I loved his company, I enjoyed listening to what all he had to say.. This was missing in the last relationship and when I got to taste that again, I lived each moment.

However, I am glad I still kept my distance, not letting myself lose him as a friend as his companionship makes a lot of difference. Friendship is the best relation we share and I love this EMOTION or FEELING. I love, care, respect, understand and accept each of my friends for what they are.. I still live with pride and respect for myself in my own eyes.. :-)